We All Fall Down
by nat rulz
Summary: Life is not a fairytale. 'Happily Ever After' does not compute. What do you do when the one person you love more than anything in the world turns out to be someone else entirely? Slash! HPSS! Summary inside


**Title: **We All Fall Down

**Pairing: **Harry Potter/Severus Snape

**Warnings: **Quite a few, I'm afraid: insinuated -violence, rape, harsh language and slash. Mild violence. Mild Abuse. Slightly depressing.

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine. The **poems are mine! **If you wish to use them, please ask.

**Summery: **Life is not a fairy tale. Happily Ever After does not compute. Sometimes, the person you love more than anyone else in the wold turns out not to be who you thought them to be. People aren't one-sided and there's no such thing as eternal happiness. When illusions fail and masks fall, how will Harry deal with the realization that he's created his own prison? More importantly, will the walls, once erected, be able to fall?

**Authors Note: **Probably one of my darker stories. I love Severus/Harry as much as the next person, so I honestly have no idea why I had to write this. I guess the plot bunny just wouldn't let me be. Darn things. Anyway, this is a sad story with a rather bitter-sweet ending but I think its one we can all relate to. Life's never easy. Emotions aren't a tap. And, unlike a story tale, you can't close the book at an opportune moment. Nothing is every as it seems. Even a piece of paper has two sides.

** We All Fall Down  
**

_Nothing is one-sided  
What is snowy white  
Can, quick as a coin toss  
Turn to black as night _

* * *

Harry didn't remember how he fell in love. 

He knew it no longer mattered. Very little did, nowadays. Still, every now and then, as he nursed his bruises and wrestled down his tears, he would look around at the life he'd built for himself and he'd wonder how the hell he'd gotten there.

There were many excuses. He was young and naïve, he was easily influenced; he was so desperate for human contact that he'd latched onto the one person who'd offered it to him. He was a Gryffindor.

Still, none of that explained why he loved the man still.

And, above all, that was something Harry couldn't understand. He was treated like a possession, he was constantly put into his place and sex, most nights, was not something he chose to do. Yet, despite all this, he was unquestioningly and completely in love

With Severus Snape

It hadn't always been like this. That, Harry knew for sure. At first, Severus and he had been as happy as any other couple. Severus, it seemed, had valued Harry above anything else in the world. He'd been the one to commence the relationship, not the other way around, and he'd done it in such a fashion that Harry was (sometimes literally) swept off his feet.

They'd dated for a good few years before they'd actually gotten married and, almost at once, Severus had dropped a mask that Harry hadn't even realized he was wearing.

It started slowly at first. With stray occurrences here or there. Harry knew absolutely nothing about marriage and so thought they might be the ordinary things a typical marriage couple went through. No marriage was perfect, after all.

His illusions were shattered the day Severus struck him.

That was the day Harry realized that his life was far from ordinary and, it seemed, his marriage would be the same. Severus had apologized afterwards and Harry had forgiven him.

Perhaps some would have walked out right then and there. But love wasn't as easy as that. It wasn't a switch one could turn off and on at will. And Harry loved Severus with all his heart. He loved him more than he'd loved anyone in his life. As such, he was inclined to think the best of him, even when he acted his worst.

It was ridiculously easy to fool everyone observing them. Through the day Severus was the very essence of the man Harry had fallen in love with. So much so that Harry would be fooled into thinking things were different. But then they'd return home and Severus would drop the mask and Harry would wonder what on earth he'd done, because surely it was his fault. In his experience, everything always was.

It took a rather long time for Harry's heart to break.

* * *

_I'll tie you with my rope  
And it will take its toll  
For it will bind you through and through  
Into you're very soul _

* * *

In retrospect, Harry should have been more careful. 

Maybe Severus had finally seen that he'd begun to test Harry's patience. Maybe he'd seen the strength hidden just behind the surface of those dull green eyes. Maybe he'd even plunged into his husband's very mind and seen what he really had no right to.

Whatever the case, there were downsides to being married to a Potions Master.

Perhaps Harry should have been checking his food and drink for foreign substances but, in reality, to be so careful was trying and Harry was reaching the point where he was realizing that, sometimes, love wasn't enough and that apologies meant nothing.

Then his husband snuck him a potion and, a few weeks later, Harry discovered he was pregnant.

And that was the day Harry began to hate Severus as much as he loved him.

Severus had smiled at him, already knowing exactly what was wrong with Harry and Harry had been so furious (with himself, with his husband, with the world in general) that he'd yelled at him for a clean ten minutes before Severus had grown annoyed and silenced him forcefully.

"I've seen you looking toward the door, my Harry" Severus had told him, voice as soft and smooth as velvet "I wanted you to remember that you belong to me, and no other. This child you carry is yours. I care nothing for it beyond the fact it will tie you to me. You cannot leave me now"

And, to Harry's chagrin, he found that to be true.

Having grown up with no parents at all, Harry desperately wanted his child to grow up in a normal and loving environment. Already in love with the child he was carrying, Harry swore that he would protect his son or daughter from everything evil in the world –including his husband. It was time he took a stand

Severus had thought that a child would scare Harry into submission. He was mistaken. Harry was a Gryffindor, after all. He'd defeated Voldemort. Very little cowed him.

Especially not Severus Augustus Snape

He'd do anything to keep his child safe. Severus would don his mask during the day and this meant that his child, male or female, would have the two parents he or she needed. It was up to Harry to insure that this was all that they saw. It was up to Harry to ensure that, when the mask dropped, Severus went nowhere near the child's room. He would take the abuse, he would take the rape, he would even take the fury.

But he would not let his child come to harm.

* * *

_Hush little baby  
There's no cause for alarm  
Sleep safely in your little bed  
I'll protect you from all harm. _

* * *

The pregnancy was a long one. 

Harry had to stake his claim from the very start by protecting his stomach. Severus, when he got carried away, sometimes lashed deliberately towards it and when this happened it was up to Harry to fight back fiercely to stop the blow from landing.

Severus never did hit his mark.

Next was the sex. Harry knew that having sex (especially forceful sex) was an obscenely bad idea when one was pregnant. So when, in the dark of night, Severus reached for him, Harry would fend off his groping hands and dance nimbly out of the room. He'd sleep in the nursery the rest of the night, surrounding himself with the reminder of who he was doing this for.

And he felt stronger than ever.

There were his bad moments of course. Morning sickness was simply terrible. Severus, whose plan wasn't acting itself out as he'd intended, could rarely be bothered to give him any sort of potion to help the nausea. Even when he could, Harry never took it.

He no longer trusted his husband for such things.

His friends commented loudly about how well he looked, how much pregnancy suited him. And Harry would smile as he clutched his stomach protectively and feel victorious even as he saw how dark his husband was scowling. And he felt prepared to meet whatever night would bring him.

It was roughly nine moths later (a single day early) that Harry finally went into labor. Severus, ever the dutiful husband during the day, dropped what he was doing (a rather complex potion) to stand at his side and, rather feeling grateful, Harry hated him all the more for it.

It was a very long four hours later that the sound of a child screaming filled the hospital room.

"Congratulations Mr. Potter-Snape" the nurse smiled, handing him a securely wrapped bundle "It's a boy"

Harry held his son in his arms and felt a sense of wonder fill him. He was only just born and already he looked distinctly like him. Harry thanked his lucky stars for that. He wouldn't have loved his son any less had he looked like Severus but it would have made things much more difficult.

"Do we have a name?" the nurse asked, preparing the necessary documentation

"Sebastian" Harry breathed, not letting Severus speak so much as a word. He wouldn't have his son named after some long-dead roman "Sebastian Orion Potter-Snape"

Severus eyes flashed and Harry knew at once that he'd pay the price later for his son's middle name. His husband's hatred for all things Sirius Black was rather notorious, after all.

Looking down at his son, Harry thought it was worth it.

* * *

_I'll don for you a mask  
I'll carry while its light  
But it will fall and shatter  
As soon as it turns night._

* * *

Severus was a rather horrible father. 

Harry was forced to believe that he really had meant it when he'd said he didn't care for the child Harry had carried beyond tying Harry more firmly to him.

Severus, thus, was rather cold towards Sebastian. He treated him with a detached sort of politeness, as though Sebastian were a guest rather than his son.

As is usually the way, Sebastian adored Severus. He called him "Papa" and it seemed he would do almost anything to gain his attention and approval.

It was up to Harry to pick up the slack. It was his job to make sure Sebastian was as happy as he could be. He badgered Severus to spend some time with Sebastian (though he was careful never to leave them alone together) and he made sure that he was there when Severus disappointed his son once more.

And every time Severus would turn Sebastian away and Sebastian would look up at him with large green eyes, wondering what he'd done wrong, Harry would feel his heart break just a little more.

He poured his heart and soul into making Sebastian happy. Nothing else mattered. He dragged his reticent husband along for family picnics. He forced him to teach Sebastian to brew and, when Severus treated Sebastian in the same manner he had his Hogwarts students, he gave him hell.

Then night would fall

Every night, Severus would lash out. Nothing was going to plan. He was realizing, as time went on, that Harry had given everything to Sebastian. Sebastian was supposed to be a tie to bind his husband, not a device to help him float. Every night, he would mark and brand Harry as his. Every night he would say the most awful things imaginable about his own son. Every night, he'd try to leave the room, perhaps to punish his son for stealing what was his.

And every night, Harry would stop him.

Needless to say, he became rather apt at glamour charms.

* * *

_Illusions can shatter  
Life's full of fear  
When the world doesn't matter  
Then why shed a tear? _

* * *

Sebastian was almost nine when it happened. 

He'd had a rather vivid nightmare and had awoken too scared to fall back to sleep. Usually, by some sense Sebastian envied, his Dad would realize he'd dreamed and would come to comfort him. But tonight it was different. He'd awoken not long after he'd fallen asleep and, for the first time ever, his Dad hadn't come. So Sebastian had decided to seek him out.

It wasn't because he was scared. Oh, no. He was far too old to be scared from a nightmare. His Papa had said so once. He was simply checking up on his Dad. There was a chance, after all, that he was hurt or in trouble. Why else wouldn't he have come? He always came in the past.

He reached the room his parents slept in and, making sure not to make a sound, eased the door open.

His Papa was already in bed but, for a moment, Sebastian just stared at him. He looked so _angry_. His face was so disfigured by his scowl that Sebastian nearly stumbled backwards in his shock. Instead, he was frozen in place.

"Your not going"

The words were dark. Like velvet or midnight. Sebastian shivered in fright, seeing a completely new side to his Papa and not liking it in the least. There was some movement on the other side of the room and Sebastian, his attention caught, saw his Dad standing by the bathroom, obviously having just emerged. His Dad never got angry. That was a well-established rule and was just the way things were. He sure looked angry now. And defiant.

"You can't stop me" Dad proclaimed, "I'm going"

"The boy's nearly seven" Papa shot back "He's too old to be having nightmares. Its time he learned to deal with them on his own"

Sebastian realized, with a jolt of shock, that he was talking about him

"First of all, he's nearly nine, not seven. Your two years off." Dad snapped, glaring furiously "Second of all, there's no such thing as being too old for nightmares. I think we can both attest to that."

Sebastian stared, wide-eyed, at his Dad. He'd never seen his father so… fiery before. His dad was always soft spoken and kind. He was wonderful, sweet and always had time for him. He was, in Sebastian's eyes, perfect. And now, suddenly, he was seeing a side of his father that was strong and angry and stubborn. A true Gryffindor.

Papa got to his feet, throwing the blankets off with a single furious gesture.

"You are _mine_," he snarled, seizing Harry's wrist tightly "Not his. Mine. You will do what I want you to do. And I want you to get on that bed and spread your thighs"

"Or what?" Dad challenged, drawing himself up and wrenching his wrist free. Severus took hold of it as soon as it was released and held it tighter still

"Or I might take it upon myself to find satisfaction elsewhere"

Sebastian didn't know what his Papa meant by that. It was clear, however, that his Dad did. If Sebastian went by the horrified expression on his Dad's face, he could also surmise that it wasn't anything good.

"You wouldn't" Harry breathed, looking trapped "How could you even say such things? He's your son"

Sebastian shuddered in horrid disbelief. Surely his Papa couldn't have possibly meant…

"He is _your_ son" Severus corrected, smiling a smile that made all the hairs on the back of Sebastian's neck stand to attention "He is useful to me only as a tie to you. I shall do with him as I will"

"I won't let you" Dad snarled, "I'll die first. You may do with my body as you wish but if you think your getting anywhere near my son, you're deluded"

"Watch me" Papa spat, making to brush past Dad

Harry blocked his path at once, grabbing at Severus furiously. Severus swung around and let a fist fly. It struck Harry firmly and Sebastian bit back a gasp. Harry, however, didn't so much as pause.

It was awe-inspiring to watch. His Dad clawed and bit and clung –anything he had to, all to stop Severus from leaving the room. And as he fought, he drew him ever closer to the bed.

"Sebastian is _my_ son" Harry snarled, "I belong to _him_"

The next moment, Severus was pushing his Dad onto the bed, snarling furiously.

"You are mine, I say. _Mine_" Severus snarled, clawing at Harry's clothes "Not his, mine"

Sebastian couldn't watch anymore. Before he left, he saw a spark of triumph in his Dad's eyes and this made him pause before realization struck.

His Dad had stopped his Pa from leaving the room. He'd deliberately focused his Pa's attention onto him. He'd won.

And at that moment, Sebastian saw just what his Dad was willing to sacrifice for his well-being. Just what lengths he was willing to go to. That night, Sebastian saw his parents for the people they were. He felt a fierce love beyond anything he'd ever felt for his Dad. His dad who was willing to sacrifice whatever it took for him. And he hated his Papa for forcing Harry into such things.

He wouldn't let his Dad protect him anymore. It was about time he started to protect his Dad. And he wasn't going to let that bastard lay so much as a finger on his Dad ever again.

He entered his room and immediately began to pack.

* * *

_Children are intelligent  
They know more than it seems  
But their innocence if fragile  
And so are their dreams_

* * *

Early the next morning, Harry had gone to wake his son and had found him already awake, sitting calmly in the center of his bed with a duffle bag beside him. Harry, seeing a few of his son's possessions missing and his draws opened and ransacked, raised a brow. 

"You running away?" He asked, amused

"Yes" Sebastian replied simply "I am"

"Won't you miss me?" Harry asked coyly, grinning

"I'm taking you with me" Sebastian explained as though that were obvious "I'm rescuing you"

Harry raised the eyebrow again

"Whatever from?" He inquired, opening the duffle bag and exploring the contents. He was rather impressed with what he saw. Sebastian had packed wisely

"From Severus"

Harry stopped short. He looked up slowly and his son caught his gaze directly. Harry saw, for the first time that morning, that his son's eyes were puffy and this, even more that Sebastian calling Severus by name, caught his attention.

"Sebastian?" Harry questioned cautiously

"I had a nightmare last night" Sebastian explained, seemingly at random "You didn't come and I was worried. I went to your room. I saw"

Harry felt the blood drain from his face. He felt suddenly so weak that he was forced to sit at the edge of Sebastian's bed or face falling.

"How much?" Harry asked, his voice trembling

"I left when Severus pinned you to the bed" Sebastian replied frankly, his matter of fact attitude clashing harshly with the evidence that he'd obviously spent most the night in tears.

"Oh, Bast" Harry sighed, bringing his son close and hugging him tightly. Sebastian relaxed into the embrace at once

"Are you alright?" Sebastian asked with concern, unable to pull away "I saw him hit you"

"I'll be fine" Harry soothed "And I'm sorry"

"Why?" Sebastian demanded, pulling away then. He glared at his Dad furiously "It was his fault. I saw. You were brilliant dad. A few words and you had his attention caught. He was… a monster. I know you stayed for me. Why? Why not take me with you and run away?"

"Because you loved Severus" Harry said simply "And he was your father. And I love you so much that I'm willing to put up with anything. I'd do anything for you, Sebastian. All I want is for you to be happy"

"That man is not my father" Sebastian argued fiercely "You're my father. Severus said so and so did you. You said you'd do anything for me? I want to leave. To go somewhere far away where he'll never hurt you ever again. And he won't. I promise. I'll look after you"

Harry couldn't help it. He began to cry. It was Sebastian that pulled him into a hug this time and Harry wept freely. He cried for the life he lead. He cried for his son's lost innocence. He cried for the things he'd put up with. And he cried at the unfairness of it all.

"Are you sure" Harry asked when he recovered "There's no turning back, Sebastian."

"You raised me, you love me, you've sacrificed everything for me" Sebastian said by way of reply "Your not his any longer. You've played your part long enough."

"Very well" Harry agreed, "But we can't leave now. We'd be caught and that would be disastrous. I'm afraid we'll have to sit this day out and leave just before dawn tomorrow"

Sebastian peered up at him suspiciously, as though making quite sure his father was being honest. Harry smiled at the look and shook his head.

"Come on then" Harry beckoned "We'd better go downstairs and _'play our part' _"

"It'll be alright, Dad" Sebastian assured him once more, "I'll protect you"

Harry laughed softly and took his son's hand with a wavering smile. This was one of those rare occasions in life where, if one didn't laugh, they cried. And Harry had cried enough today.

He'd shed no more tears over Severus Augustus Snape.

* * *

_Depart this place forever  
Don't dare hesitate  
Leave the memories behind you  
And firmly close the gate._

* * *

Harry took nothing with him when he left. 

This was, in part, because it was absurdly hard to pack without arousing suspicion but mostly, it was because there was nothing Harry particularly wanted. All he cared about was his son, and this entire escapade had been his idea.

Harry was beginning to question that. Surely, he mused, it was madness to let your nine-year-old son talk you into running away? Wasn't he supposed to be the reasonable one here?

Still, sane or not, Harry was up well before dawn. He was brave enough to change into some day robes before he left and then it was off to Sebastian's room to wake his son.

Sebastian was still sleeping but, having inherited Severus' sleeping habits, woke the moment Harry shook him. He was out of bed in a moment, diving under his bed In order to retrieve the duffle bag he'd stashed there. Harry noticed, with a trace of amusement, that he'd slept in his clothes to save the time it would take to change.

"Lets go" Sebastian declared, straightening with his bag and looking fiercely determined. Harry took the bag and, without a word, shrunk it. Then he silenced every item of clothing they wore. It wouldn't do to have a shoe creak or a piece of fabric rustle at the wrong moment.

"The minute we step over the threshold of your door" Harry began, making certain his son was paying attention "We must be absolutely silent. I can't silence the sound our weight will make on the floorboards, so try and step lightly. No talking"

Sebastian gave him a look that screamed _"Well, duh"_ but nodded regardless, more to show he understood the seriousness of the situation than portraying his agreement.

Hands tightly clutched, they slipped out of the room together.

Harry had fought Basilisks, deranged Defense Against the Arts teachers, Voldemort and Death Eaters galore. But he'd never been as scared as he was in that moment.

The knowledge that a single creak, a sneeze and cough –anything at all- could wake the slumbering Severus was so utterly terrifying that Harry found it hard to move. Sebastian and he clung together as tightly as they could; drawing reassurance from the contact they shared.

They took a step at a time and it became like a rhythm. Or a dance. Step, pause, step, pause, step, pause. And so it went. Until the chain was all Harry heard –all he knew. Until the very way of moving became a force of habit and it seemed surreal that they could have moved in a different fashion and that they would once again. Harry felt implicitly trapped in that moment of time and, as they walked, he feared he'd be trapped there forever.

The door was drawing closer, however, and Harry knew that it signaled the end of the journey. The only thing blocking their path was the staircase.

Sebastian as he paused as one as they reached it. They exchanged looks, both of them knowing from experience just how creaky the wood was. There was no way in hell they'd be able to walk down without making at least _some_ noise. Harry took a deep breath and drew himself up. Then, in a fluid motion, he got to his knees. Sebastian blinked at him bemusedly and Harry, trying to convey what he wanted, pointed first to his son, then to his back.

Sebastian caught on quickly.

Once Harry knew Sebastian was firmly upon his back, he stood again. Silently, he cast all the sticking spells he knew. He would need to have his son stay in place without Harry holding him.

Then holding his breath and saying a thousand little prayers, Harry held onto the handrail and, with a quick leg hop, jumped upon it. Sebastian actually had to bite his lip to keep himself from crying out in shock but Harry didn't so much as hesitate as he began to walk down the handrail like a tightrope.

Harry made sure he was breathing evenly. He'd had to resort to this trick once or twice at the Dursley's and while he was confident that the handrail could support him, he did have a few other concerns. Such as just how many years it had been since he'd actually done this. And what on earth would happen to Sebastian if he fell.

He made his way slowly, balancing his way down. The handrail made not a sound under him and both Sebastian and Harry breathed a sigh of relief as they dismounted. Harry cancelled the sticking charms as one, catching his son before he fell and placing him carefully upon the ground. Sebastian looked up at him with wide eyes and mouthed the words _'Bloody_ _Hell'_ before he recovered his senses and tugged Harry towards the door.

Frowning warningly at his son for his language, Harry followed his lead. He opened the door with a whispered word and looked outside with fearful eyes. Now that he was actually here it seemed a lot harder to simply leave. But Harry was stronger than his fear. He wouldn't let himself be controlled by it any longer.

It was already dawn and, with Sebastian at his side, Harry felt himself filled with a confidence that had been foreign to him for many years now.

And together, they stepped out of the shadowed doorway and into the light.

* * *

_We all fall down.  
Life can be tough  
The key to it all,  
Is to pick yourself up._

**_The End_**

* * *

**Authors Note (additional): **Well, there's that. I'm thinking of writing a sequel to this called "We All Stand Up" about what happens once Severus finds Harry gone, but I'm not sure if I actually will. If I do, I promise to post it as soon as I finish writing it (which, if I end p doing it, will probably be in a few weeks). Please let me know if you think a sequel will work or if you even want one. Thank you so much for all your support and listed below is the children's song which inspired the title of the both (if there is a sequel) stories. Read and review! 

_"Ring a ring a rosy  
A pocket full of Posey  
Ashes, ashes,  
We all fall down_

_The cows are in the meadow  
Eating buttercups  
Ashes, ashes,  
We all stand up"  
_


End file.
